So just what is the role of dad in raising a motivated and independent child? A well rounded child who will be able to go toe-to-toe with the real world, roll with the punches and persevere? What tools can you possibly equip your child with? Profound questions to ponder as you snap back to the now and focus on getting the diaper to stay in place while attempting to powder up the little one’s business end. Nevertheless, taking on this reoccurring event (diaper duty) can play a role in helping your child develop a high level of self-esteem, as well as foster a healthy relationship between the two of you. What if diaper duty is a task of the past? No worries Dads, Dr. Ingrid Schweiger, author of “Self-Esteem for a Lifetime”, states that self-esteem is a dynamic and ongoing process. Before we move on to the actions you can take, let’s first clarify what self-esteem is and the benefits a child obtains when having an involved dad and high self-esteem.
In a nutshell, self-esteem is the confidence and satisfaction in oneself. In addition to this, Dr. Nathaniel Brandon, author of “The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem”, believes that self-esteem is a self-fulfilling prophecy. “How can this be?” you may ask. Well it goes like this. “Self-esteem creates a set of implicit expectations about what is possible and appropriate to us. These expectations tend to generate the actions that turn them into realities. And the realities confirm and strengthen the original beliefs.” A little deep, but the importance of high self-esteem is clear.
Children with high self-esteem tend to fit the “motivated and independent” mold mentioned in the opening. So just what does this mean with regards to a child’s character and moral fiber? Dr. Jenn Berman, author of “The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids”, presents data which suggests that children across the age spectrum benefit from an involved dad and high self-esteem. For example:
· Infants are more curious and better at dealing with stressful situations.
· One year olds have less separation anxiety.
· Children show greater cognitive aptitude.
· Children are twice as likely to enter college or to find steady employment after high school, 75 percent less likely to become pregnant as teenagers, 80 percent less likely to spend time in jail, and half as likely to experience depression than those with lower self-esteem.
· Teenagers are at a 40% lower risk of smoking, drinking, and using drugs than teens with lower self-esteem.
These are but a few of the extraordinary results which benefit children who have an involved father as well as high self-esteem.
As it turns out, self esteem is not just a onetime conversation you have with your child and it’s done. There are many factors which influence your child’s self esteem over the course of their childhood. As children grow, the different environments they find themselves in (i.e. home, daycare, school, church, sports) tend to have greater influence on the child’s overall self-esteem. One major contributor, which the “self esteem authorities” seem to agree upon, is the role of the father during the child’s childhood. Simply put, dad’s need to realize that everything said and all actions taken (or lack thereof) added up over a childhood; impacts a child’s self-esteem unlike any other. No pressure here dads.
So armed with this information dads, it’s time to take action and understand your role. There are many things we can do to make our kids feel good about themselves. Dr. Jenn Berman offers many fundamental and comprehensive strategies in her book, “The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy, Confident Kids”. Below are a few of her suggestions.
1. Watch Your Words. Simply put, no name calling. We must be able to separate the behavior from the person. For example, say, “Your room is messy” instead of “You are so messy.”
2. Be Accepting. Let your children know that despite any quirks, you love them for who they are.
3. Apologize. If you say something hurtful towards your child, apologize. This action teaches your child how to make amends.
4. Teach Your Child To Fail. “Children who don’t learn to lose, don’t learn to win.” Losing is an opportunity for a child to learn about themselves, persevere, and overcome obstacles.
5. Be a Self-esteem Role Model. “Self-esteem is one of those areas in which the parent must lead by example.”
Dad’s role is to help create a safe, nurturing, and supportive environment which utilizes these strategies. Not only will you be placing your child on a path towards high self-esteem, but you will also be fostering a healthy father/child relationship.
