I am certain that most every parent would like their child (or children for that matter) to have a better childhood than the one they experienced. However, as our children grow and find themselves in new environments and surrounded by new people (i.e. daycare, preschool, elementary school) elements outside our normal control begin to actively engage our children on a regular basis. And although many of these experiences are positive and help our children grow, there are some which are inexcusable and no child should have to endure. Case in point, bullies.
With so much information available, the goal of Ultradad is to simply offer a solid overview regarding bullying. We will bring to light a few signs to watch for which may suggest your child is being bullied, as well as a few signs which may indicate your child as being the bully. We will go over different courses of action, bring to attention a few statistics, and point you in the direction of additional help. But first off, we need to be clear as to what bullying is.
According to Dan Olweus, an author and leading expert on Bullying prevention, “A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself.”
Not sure if your child is being bullied? According to Stop Bullying Now, a few possible warning signs that your child is being bullied may include:
• Comes home with torn or damaged clothing, books, or other belongings
• Has unexplained cuts, bruises, or scratches
• Takes a long “illogical” route when walking to or from school
• Has lost interest in school work or suddenly begins to do poorly in school
• Appears anxious and suffers from low self-esteem
On the other hand, are you concerned that your child might be the bully? If not, you should be as 47 states have some sort of “parental liability law” in place and other states looking to introduce similar legislation. Additionally, left unchecked early bullying behavior can lead to more serious problems later in life. Bullying Statistics offers these possible warning signs that your child may be a bully:
• Views violence positively as the solution to most problems
• Shows aggression towards adults as well as other children
• Needs to dominate others and control situations
• Easily frustrated
• Lacks empathy
Upon communicating and confirming with your child that there is a bullying problem, action must be taken. In this case, action is in the form of further communication and extensive documentation.
According to Love Our Children USA you should find out if your child’s school is aware of the bullying? If not, communicate to them (without the protective anger) and make them aware of the bullying problem, voice your concerns, and insist that the issue be handled immediately. Also, remember to document everything. For example, you will want to note who you spoke with at the school, the times and the dates. Additionally, if your child has had any altercations with the bully, you will want to document those as well. Make notes of the times, dates, those involved, witnesses and a recap of any verbal exchanges. With luck and good fortune, the issue will be resolved by the school within a week or so. However, if the issue is not resolved to your satisfactory, there is more you can do.
A “Notice of Harassment Form” is a more assertive way for parents to inform the school, teachers, the parent(s) of the bully, or school administrators that there is a persistent bullying problem which needs to be addressed. According to Documenta Legal Forms “the recipient will then be obligated to address the situation or face additional liability for the bully’s actions.” Bullying is a serious issue and should not be dismissed as simply a part of growing up. The long term effects of bullying are still being studied; however, those statistics which have come to light are disturbing.
According to bullyingstatistics.org, children who are victims of bullies are more likely to suffer from depression as adults. Additionally, these victims are more likely to experience the effects of low self esteem, anxiety, physical ailments, as well as having a high rate of school absenteeism. On the other hand, Dan Olweus states that in his studies of those who continued to bully into middle school, 60% had at least one criminal conviction by age 24. It seems that the effects of bullying are far reaching to everyone involved.
Not to justify the cruel and unacceptable actions of the bully in anyway, we as parents need to understand that there is probably more to the bully’s “why” than what we are able to make out. And that the only real way to permanently solve the problem is to fully address both it and the underlying issues which lead up to the bully’s actions. A “zero tolerance” school policy is not a fix; rather it is a form of “kicking the can down the road”. Sure the expulsion of the bully makes us feel better, but it simply extends the nasty cycle and dooms another child to suffer the same effects of bullying by not addressing the real issue.
The information provided is meant to serve as a starting point for those dealing with a bully. There is much more information available and Ultradad encourages parents to seek out that which is most applicable to their individual situation.
